It’s time

June 6, 2008

“I am in love with someone that loves someone else. And until I stop loving him, no one else stands a chance with me.”

It’s time.

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“I Can’t”

June 4, 2008

“I can’t.”

I don’t think there are any words that sound worse.
 


Grrrrrrrrr!!

May 30, 2008

I know it’s probably lame to post Grey’s Anatomy vids, but I just HAVE to post this one.


Because you people need it

May 15, 2008

I can feel it, you people need good music. And even if you think this isn’t good music, c’mon, you KNOW it is. I know you do, that’s why I forgive you. There have been a few songs I’ve been putting on repeat. Watch out – I love screamy, original, blues-y love songs, so if you’re more into the things that are not commercial just because they’re not commercial and you secretly like Abba but you HAVE to say you like Sufjan Stevens because you won’t be cool – you’re not in the right place.

Amanda Jenssen,
is the best thing to have come out of Idols, like, uh, ever. If you’re not convinced Idols sometimes brings something good… okay it has never done that before, but Amanda’s worth it. Just look at her audition, doing “That’s Alright Mama” by Elvis. How can you NOT love that crazy lil blonde gurl?

I haven’t heard her full CD yet, I’m thinking the songs I have here are covers (I should do more research but I’m too lazy) but they’re lovely. They’re the kind of love songs that make you go, “Yes!!!!! YES!!! You GO girls!!” Look for either one of these songs.

1. Salvation
2. Lockdown
3. I Can’t Sleep
4. Heartache
5. Safari 

Nina Kinert – Beast
God I hate you Nina Kinert. I wish you hadn’t come up with this song so I still had the chance to come up with those melodies and lyrics. Maybe I should google you and find dirt on you so I can blackmail you into convincing people I made this song. The world would be okay. Maybe not for you, Nina, but for me, and that’s important.

Adele – My Same
Same as with Nina, fuck off Adele, this song is just too great. I think I might have been listening to it too much. And each time I listen to it, I hit “pause” and try to come up with a song just as great as this one. Yeah – I fail every time I try. If you don’t like Adele’s previous songs, you’ll still like this one. It’s freshhh.

Bessie Smith – Blue Spirit Blues
It’s not that I just discovered Bessie Smith or anything… Okay, yeah I did. I’m such a Jazz/Blues n00b, but it must be my absolute favourite genre of music of all times. It’s just so… so… GENIOUS. Especially Bessie Smith, it’s all the kind of same blues stuff but it’s perfect for listening to while smoking a menthol cig’ and drinking some proper french wine.

The Last Shadow Puppets.
Period.

Feist – Honey Honey.
Fuck this is a good song, where have you been all my live, please make love to me.

 

There will be more as soon as the repeat count has hit more than 40 on a day again.


You

April 16, 2008

How could I prepare for something like this. I’m starting to move my feet, I’m starting to dance a little. I was only waiting for the right time. I wasn’t putting anything off. I saw the wonders and the worst, but nothing stopped me. I saw better and worse. You were always screening me. It was never even a matter of respect, we just collide, we melt together. We chose the wrong way, you say. I told you it was never a matter of ways, it was just a matter of days until you gave me a chance. I waited for the right time to tell you how it works. But you never understood. I tried telling you what love is about, how one should follow the heart and not the head, you said “It’s not a matter of love, it’s a matter of wrong and right.”

And then I waited a little more. In my dreams I saw you coming to my door, going on your knees, telling me you don’t like being alone. You’d tell me we match perfectly, you’d kiss me right below my eye and how we wouldn’t survive separate because this is so right. You’d choose me, not her. You’d tell me I’m a sinner, but I’m so very good to have, I’m a bit of loser but together we’d win. I’m a silly young girl, but I’m perfect to you. You made an exception, you made me yours, I gave you myself, you’d give me you. It’s not that I don’t like her, it’s just that I love you. It’s not that it wasn’t hard to do, but it was so much harder to lose you. I have trouble sleeping, I can’t seem to eat, my stomach hurts when I’m not with you, you’re supposed to be here, I need your eyes and your lips, I’d love to travel the world with you, I’d give anything, or something close, or at least all that I know. You’re a woman but to me you’re just you, you’re a little scary sometimes but that never puts me off, I don’t understand you but I’d like to spend my days trying to. I don’t think we’re perfect but we come so very close, so let’s make love because you’re the one I chose.

But you never told me that. You never even tried. You were too busy trying to survive this lie. You think it’s wrong what we did, and you have to be right, you took the other side, told me it wouldn’t ever work but you left out the part where you say that you actually do love me more. That I’m the one. You missed that part. I tried to fill it in for you, but how can I, when you made me choke. I try not to talk to you, hear you, smell you or be near you, but it’s just so hard to do. You’ve shown me stories that you shared with her as well, you’ve shown me photos where you just cut off her face, I was something separate. I was never alive, just something you could love when you fantasize, if you ever did, whenever you ever did. Did you ever want to? Was it a matter of time which you lacked or were there times you just forgot to? Your timing is so bad that I want to hurt you back, not even to feel better, just to make you feel the same. If only you’d have told me when we first met, there would be a small chance I’d still be there, but now it’s so stretched and far fetched that I don’t know how to look at you. You, to me, are dead. If you were alone, you’d be right. If you never loved again, you’d be right. If she knew it all, you’d be right. If there were no secrets, you’d be right. If you’d say sorry or goodbye, you’d be right, but I’ll never forgive you. I’ll never forget you.

Now I’m scarred and I’m bitter, I don’t even want to dream when it’s always about you, I’m a little cautious to love again but I’ll be glad to live through an exception. There are no words to describe what you’ve done, because no one is allowed to know, I can’t write songs or paint paintings because no one can know. I can’t erase you because no one can know. Because if they would, you wouldn’t survive. 

Instead I’m dying. I don’t even want to admit I’m still alive. Because that would make your decision a right one. I don’t want to admit that it was never love, because it could have been. But it might not have been. And I panic when I begin to feel like I’m better off without. I try to catch some air when I think of other people, I try to wave it off when I start to feel better, because I can’t. I’m right, I’ve always been right. It was mean to be you and me, and no one else. I’m right. You’re wrong. So I wonder why I’m the one paying for this. When it should be you. Why am I feeling bad, when you should be faced to the floor, you shouldn’t be able to live with yourself, you’ve always lied, you’ve never tried, you broke me down. You made me feel less of a person, there were times you made me feel like a failure, there were times you made me change myself, you’ve made me hurt myself, you’ve given me so much love but so little at the same time. I settled for less, because I settled for you. And even though I still want you, I know I’ll never forgive you. 

 

And this makes me wait for more. Something special, something to adore. Something that’s not you, that’s better, someone who treats me with respect, someone who dares to try, someone who isn’t afraid to die. I just wish it was you.


Die onanierende Katze

March 10, 2008

It has been ages since the last kitty update. But… I bring you a good one. Pelle.I love you Pelle.  


The List

December 6, 2007

The list of songs that keep breaking your heart because they keep reminding you of something/someone and you just have to hear the first notes to burst into tears.
This is my list.

Caravan – Blur
Amy – Ryan Adams
Flowery Noontide – Espers
Mystery Forever – Britta Persson
AF607105 – Charlotte Gainsbourg
Drip – Charlotte Martin
Oh! My Mama – Alela Diane
Such Great Heights – Iron & Wine
Yesterday – The Beatles
Free As a Bird – The Beatles (I must say, I actually cry because this is the last song of the Beatles, John’s voice recorded, the Beatles play the instruments and mixed it, as the last song they ever made together, and the reason I cry is actually because it’s the end of The Beatles. Yes, I’m a loser.)
Elephant Gun – Beirut
Fucking Boyfriend – The Bird And The Bee
Baby Carni Bird – Camille
Baby’s Romance – Chris Garneau
Easy To Be Around – Diane Cluck
Whisper Not – Ella Fitzgerald
Song Of The Storm – Emilie Simon
The entire Fink album, especially All Cried Out
Silence – Kate Earl
Unlike Me – Kate Havenvik
Burn Girl Prom Queen – Mogwai

It’s so sad because most of these songs I just can’t listen to anymore. And I love them so much.


In one minute

November 30, 2007

My life changed and everything here is shit. Home is shit. I need to live on my own, preferrably right now.


Sir Winston

November 28, 2007

I am now going to provide you with a new super cool awesome kitty video every week or so.
This one is perfect because there is no music. I love that.


I can FEEL you

November 28, 2007

“I want to know what’s going on inside you”, “what are you thinking”, “what does that title mean to you?”, “I know how you feel”, “are you okay?”, “I like what you tried to express through this picture”, “I love how you capture yourself, you really know yourself”, “I don’t understand”, “I wonder what’s going on”, “what are you trying to say through this photo”, “I don’t think the words fit with the photo”, “I can relate to you, like, so, much”, “I wonder who you are,” …

Seriously, fuck off.